3 Ways to Build a Loving Relationship

~By Ceri Ridenour, Mama Bear Extraoenaire

“Are you a slave or a wife?”

Believe it or not, this was a question put to me by an aquanitance of mine! We were discussing different things I do to make my husband’s life easier for him, and she was in total shock that I would do such “ancient” things. ( And this woman is older than me!)

It was a simple thing of hanging my husband’s socks and undershirts with his work uniforms. It actually enraged her that I would do such a thing.

“What, is he too lazy to get them out of the drawer himself?” she asked.

I explained, no, it was just something I did to make his morning preparations easier for him. It was just as easy for me to hang them with his uniforms as it was to put them away in the drawer when putting the laundry away and it was just a little thing I did to say “I love you” to him.

That was when she asked if I was a slave or a wife. It was at that moment when I realized that the “feminist movement” has actually been a detriment to the relationships.

I speak to all relationships, whether husband & wife, wife & wife, husband & husband, or simply a partnership. This even applies to the relationship with your children. It is not about slavery!

I am proud to say I am a “50’s Housewife”. That doesn’t mean I wait on my husband hand and foot or satisfy his every whim or desire. No, that means I find little things to do to make life a little easier, happier and peaceful for our home, like mentioned above.

I have found by doing just little gestures, my husband in turn, shows his appreciation and love in little ways also. How many of you have asked your partner (or child) to take out the trash and 2 days later you end up taking it out yourself after repeatedly asking or yelling about it?

Not in my home! I ask, it happens. And not just with the trash!

In today’s society, I have found that people have busy lifestyles and there are a million excuses as to why things can’t get done. The main cause is lack of communication in the home which, in turn, leads to discord and in most cases separation of relationships.

If we would return to little acts of kindness toward each other, love would grow instead of diminish.

Have you ever had a really bad day and had to suffer in silence because you felt like no one cared about your feelings?

Have you had days when an illness has gotten you down and you wished someone would take care of you?

Have you had a day at work when everyone got on your last nerve?

Have you ever worked on a project and your team mate didn’t pull their weight and you did all the work? We all have. The smallest things can change that around.

A partnership isn’t 50/50. It is 100% if handled in the right way. The trick is to teach others how to give as much as they take.

The first trick is to acknowledge the other person and their feelings. This can take some work if your partner was raised in a home where communication was lacking.

This behavior can, in turn, spill over to children in the home. The scenario I have witnessed in the past 30 years is two people meet, they feel a connection. They date, “hookup” and then think “it would be easier if we just lived together.” So, they move in together and set up daily lives. In most cases, there really isn’t any soul connection or soul communication. They just argue when they disagree instead of discussing.

Then the sex life falters because they are always arguing or mad at each other and eventually, Splitsville. It is worse if in the interim children have been brought into the equation and taught, through example, that this was the proper way to live and behave.

I counseled with one couple who were always arguing and were about to take that train to Splitsville. When we all sat down together and actually had an open discussion, it was a simple thing.

Even though they both had full-time jobs, because of the way he was raised, he expected her to do all of the household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.,) too. He was “the man” and it was his job to come home after a hard day’s work and relax. I quickly corrected him of this ancient way of thinking but not from a feminist point of view, but that of a parent.

I gently pointed out to him that his wife also works a long hard day and she deserves rest too. I gave them examples and assignments on how to work together to accomplish what needed to be done in the home and how when the time came to relax, how they could enjoy it together. Within a month, things had completely turned around for them and they are still happily married 12 years later.

The next thing to do is to communicate! If you know your partner has had a very stressful day at work, have a drink (tea, beer, cocktail, whatever their preference) ready when they come home and sit down for a half hour or so and let them rant. Share about your day too. This helps get it off your chest, out of your mind and shows how you actually care about what is going on in other’s life. After all is said, take a deep breath together and let it go. It is in the past and cannot be changed.

I have known couples who have come home from work and didn’t say a word about their day and then later in the evening blow up about the least little thing.

Another thing, find little things to do that make your partner happy. If your partner is into reading the newspaper, help them set aside a time to do so uninterrupted. In turn, communicate something you enjoy doing and ask for the same courteousy.

Surprise each other once in a while with their favorite dinner or treat. Bring them a plant instead of a dozen roses explaining that you got the live plant so it will continue to bring beauty into their lives. Give them a quick kiss on the cheek as you are walking by to go do something else. Shower them with compliments!

Yes, guys need reassurance and praise too! Tell them how much you love and appreciate them, especially when they do something special for you.

In conclusion, unless a relationship is very toxic ( abusive), most times it can be turned around beginning with communication and thinking about the other’s feelings. Once the pathway of communication is opened and the feelings of each other are acknowledged, true healing can happen.

HOWEVER, I strongly counsel that this be done before starting any serious relationship with someone. Physical attraction can only last so long. A relationship built on a foundation of communication, caring for each other and mutual respect, can build into a home of happiness, love and peace.

Many Blessings,

Ceri

Ceri is Mama Bear Extraordianare. She dispenses life advice from over 57 years of experience of going through just about any trauma you can think of and coming out victorious. She speaks the truth no matter how hard it may to hear it but does it with such compassion it makes you feel she has wrapped you in a warm blanket and handed you a cup of cocoa. She can help you with real life problems both from a secular and a spiritual perspective. You can reach her on her FaceBook Page, Ceri C Ridenour, Mama Bear Extraordinaire or on her blog page www.cericridenour.com

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