Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror

The Great Smoking Mirror in Mayan Tradition symbolizes how life reflects our belief systems, which are what we hold internally to be true.  The mirror itself merely means that we see aspects of ourselves reflected back to us from others.  The smoke then is the illusions we have created from our beliefs out of our own need and want of acceptance, friendship and love. Life then helps us cement our beliefs as a truth through our wounds, the environment we are raised in, judgments others have passed on us, and society’s beliefs that are imposed on us through media ads & campaigns, television, movies, etc.

You may be asking: How exactly does that work?  Anytime you find yourself triggered by a person or a situation, the trigger is a belief that you hold. What is a trigger?  For our purposes today a trigger incites a negative emotional response.  For example, you see a person, we will call him Dick, on the street talking down to someone else, Jane.  This really rubs you the wrong way for one or more of several reasons; a gentleman doesn’t speak to a lady that way, private business should not be handled while walking down the street, why is not Jane sticking up for herself? etc., Your answer to why this situation between Dick and Jane has triggered you is smoke in your mirror.  

How, do you ask, can I clear the smoke?  You need to identify your trigger and ask yourself: when in my life have I felt ________?  Validate that feeling, even if you re-experience the hurt.   Examine the situation from different perspectives and be accountable for the part you may have had in it.  Then, release that wound. What? Release the wound?  Yes, release it.  This is the only way you can truly heal it and move on. Releasing the wound does not mean that you are erasing it or ignoring that it had happened.  It means that you have learned something from the experience and are wiser now.  Let us say that whether you are male or female, you identified with Jane as the victim and Dick as the bully in the previous situation.  And let us say that one of your parents or older siblings, maybe even a teacher used to ostracize you publicly when you were younger, and out of fear of making the situation worse you never spoke up for yourself.  Validate that this made you feel horrible–but really put a name to it, allow yourself to get back in the moment so that you can be super clear about how you felt in that moment.  Now, voice it by filling in the blanks: So-and-so really made me feel __________ by __________.  I know now that So-and-so was wrong in how s/he handled that situation.  I learned that _________.  And then let it go.  

Do not be discouraged if you find that you are repeatedly triggered by similar situations.  Some of the smoke in your mirror is denser than some of the other smoke.  This just means that some wounds have many layers and/or run very deep and you can only handle healing it a little bit at a time.  This is okay!  It could also mean that you have many similar wounds that differ in depth and the original memory you chose when you were triggered by Dick and Jane was not the earliest one.  Give yourself a break and take it step by step. We all have an entire lifetime of smoke that we can clear, it isn’t going to clear in one fell swoop.

In order to grow beyond these limiting beliefs, we must learn to trust ourselves and our experiences as being part of our growth.  In doing this we learn to embrace our personal process and our ability to heal the will, emotions, thoughts and attitudes that have held us back from moving forward and freeing ourselves from past hurts.  As we clear the smoke our reflection becomes clearer and clearer.  Once we have a clear, beautiful reflection we can truly have unlimited joy and excitement for our tomorrows.

Here is a simple exercise if you are looking to clear some of your smoke before being triggered.

Take a moment to write down 1 colleague or family member who triggers you in a negative way and what about them triggers you.  Then, do the same with someone you admire.  

Then, take a moment and a few nice deep breaths.  Re-read the negative aspects you wrote about the first person.  Realize that those negative aspects are aspects of yourself that you do not like.  Do not deny it.  We all have positive and negative attributes.  We are after all, human.  Now, ask yourself if that negative aspect is rooted in an illusion, or belief that you have been carrying and hiding or projecting from a wounding experience?  Finally, follow the steps we discussed earlier in the Dick and Jane scenario.

What did you write down about the person you admire?  Congratulations!  You possess this positive quality too!

The Great Smoking Mirror customizes itself to each and every one of us without bias.  It can only reflect aspects of you and your life’s experiences.  If you find yourself struggling with clearing the smoke that is clouding your reflection, know that there is someone out there to help you.

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