Do you find it difficult and sometimes downright frustrating to instill or acclimate to change?
Would it make you feel better to know that you aren’t alone?
Probably not, right? Change is inevitable. Everything changes. The seasons change, our bodies change as we age, technology changes, etc.,
This is a bitter-sweet position to find yourself in. If you are conscious working to improve your state of being, it is a sweet spot. If you aren’t, it is bitter, yet efficient because now it has your attention!
When we find ourselves in a space of discomfort or dis-ease in our life it is because the part of us who is evolving and changing is quite literally in a stand off with that part of us who wants nothing to do with changing because it is happy being in control, in the know. This part of us find a false sense of security in maintaining the status quo and conspires in every which way to avoid change.
Read the following poem as it describes the silent and often over-looked force behind this false-sense of security.
Who Am I?
I am your constant companion.
I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am completely at your command.
Half the things you do you might just as well turn over to me, and I will be able to do them quickly, correctly.
I am easily managed – you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done, and after a few lessons I will do it automatically.
I am the servant of all great people; and alas, of all failures as well. Those who are failures, I have made failures.
I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a human being.
You may run me for a profit or turn me for ruin – it makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet.
Be easy with me and I will destroy you.
Who am I?
I AM HABIT.
~Anonymous
The above poem lays it out beautifully and as simply as can be. It takes conscious effort and constant vigilance to shift a limiting belief to a limitless one, to re-pattern your self-talk, and transform into a new state of being.
You see, the changes you seek hide behind habit and keep you from making the shift.
But don’t fret. Don’t let yourself be defeated by this. Once you pinpoint the change you seek hiding ever-so-cleverly behind habit, it can no longer hide from you because you found it’s hiding spot! Don’t get me wrong, it will get sneaky and act like it isn’t really there, but it is. And when you begin to instill the change, habit may act all big and bad, but you have what it takes to over-ride it and create a new, better, habit.
“The Mind, once enlightened, cannot again become dark.” ~THOMAS PAINE, Common Sense
Psychologist Noel Burch came up with a 4-step learning system in the 70’s known as the 4 stages of competence.
- Unconscious Incompetency (You don’t know what you don’t know.)
- Conscious Incompetency (Now you know it, what do you do about it?)
- Conscious Competency (You make a conscious effort consistently to change the habit/pattern, manually shift through the gears.)
- Unconscious Competency (You have gone from manual shift to automatic!)
Let me explain a bit more. Much like learning how to drive a stick shift car, it takes time to over ride the old habit. You see, once you know it is there, short of having amnesia, you can’t not know it is there. You can try to ignore it, but the universe has a way of making you feel like you are banging your head against the wall. [Conscious Incompetency]
So then you know and try to to not fall prey to that habit and you begin to shift your awareness and make changes to eradicate the limited boundaries of the habit. Just like learning to drive a stick shift car, sometimes you stall, sometimes you jerk the car forward until you learn how to work the clutch and when to and not to shift. [It is ABSOLUTELY NORMAL IN THE LEARNING/TRANSFORMATION PROCESS to jump back and forth from conscious incompetency to conscious competency!]
Once you have it figured out, you are still in concentrating mode, but have gained confidence that you can, in fact drive a stick shift car without stalling or giving your passengers whiplash. [Conscious Competency]
And, before you know it, driving a stick shift is fun!!! You got it! You feel like you are in the lead at the Indi 500! Freedom! = New Habit! [Unconscious Competency]
What change awaits you?
What habit conceals its identity?
What awaits you on the other side?
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Kathleen
What a great illustration using the stick shift car to help us understand and relate! Brava!
Crystal Cockerham
Why thank you Kathleen!
Rachel
I have found that some old and unhelpful habits can come back even after years. What I find most helpful in moving my life forward is not to focus on habits but on intentional rituals instead, it requires me to be present and aware and have intentions about what I want to create in my life.
Crystal Cockerham
Creating with intention is so powerful Rachel! I love that you have intentional rituals!
Jill Celeste
I love the Thomas Paine quotation you used in this blog post. It jumped out at me! You did an excellent job explaining what can be a complex subject. I learned so much!
Crystal Cockerham
Thank you Jill! I love using quotes, especially when I find those ones that aren’t commonly used. When I came across this one, there was no question in my mind-I had to use it. (He had such a major role in the American Revolution in writing “Common Sense” and the French Revolution in writing “The Right of Man”, but is over looked in so many history books! -ok, tangent over.)
Lore Raymond
Brava! for this creative metaphor to take me through these inspiring and helpful thoughts, Crystal. Copied and pasted all this for future teaching! “Psychologist Noel Burch came up with a 4-step learning system in the 70’s known as the 4 stages of competence.” Thanks xo
Crystal Cockerham
You are very welcome Lore! I tend to be animated when I talk, so when I am in front of a client I turn my left hand sideways and point to a finger for each step. (1.-It helps me keep track when I am naming them–gheeze, try to name them fast! and 2.-when I bring them up again to help them be aware at where they are, what they have been doing, they remember it.). So you can use that too if you are speaking…
Krystal
Hey Crystal, This is a really great perspective. I love the way you organized this post. And that poem is just wonderful! Great find!
Crystal Cockerham
Why thank you Krystal! That poem has been around for a while! The very first time I came across it was during my coaching training. Every once in a while I pull it out for a client–it is a good one to keep in the files!
Laurie Seymour
I love that feeling of freedom when we master something new. Great post!
Crystal Cockerham
Thank you Laurie! There is a sense of triumph once we acknowledge it for ourselves, for sure!
Heather
When you repattern your self talk it does transform you to a better you. I see too many people taking down to themselves, it’s not healthy. Breaking out of bad habits and patterns is important.
Crystal Cockerham
I agree Heather. Self talk is one of those things that can keep you in an old pattern.
Zeenat Merchant Syal
The poem you started this post with is absolutely perfect to bring out the message of this post. Habits can make or break us…being mindful and creating good habits is a life long investment in happiness 🙂
xoxo, Z~
Crystal Cockerham
Why thank you for that Zeenat!