Do you have your yes’s and no’s mixed up?
Are you unsure and lack confidence in your ability and wanting to say no to others and yes to yourself?
All to often we invest our energy in things because we are expected to or we feel obligated to do something because they are the social norm. Yes, I am going to run the bake sale, because that is what good moms do. Sure, I will be the team manager, because you asked me coach-who am I to say no? This is a sure sign that you need to set energetic boundaries and live from your personal power.
It is OK to say no.
Especially if you don’t have the desire to or the time-neither party is going to benefit from you tying to cram in one more thing. Think of your energy pool as an investment account. Even though it is your money, you can’t touch it because it is tied up in investments. So don’t over commit and run your account into the red, you will come out ahead in the end.
Take the image on the left as an example. What we see of this home looks to have been a truly beautiful, inviting and nurturing place to live. Now, it has been neglected and if you are like me, you may look at this home an think, that is so sad that such beauty has been dampened and hidden away by abandonment.
This is what happens to you, your physical, mental, emotional & spirit self, when you consistently say yes to others rather than honoring your boundaries. Don't abandon yourself, make sure your yes's and no's feed your spirit, not deplete or freeze it. Click To Tweet In practicing saying yes to yourself and no to others, you fortify your energetic and spiritual boundaries. This then allows you and you alone, direct access to your personal power. Click To Tweet
Formulating and practicing setting, maintaining and fortifying your boundaries can seem like a daunting task. It doesn’t have to be. Here are a few simple tips to help you get started with mindfully setting and honoring your boundaries:
- Start visualizing what it could look like if you only said yes to that which you truly want to invest your time and energy in rather than playing into what you feel is expected of you.
- Write down on a sticky note something to the effect of: “Thank you for thinking of me, but this is not something I can commit to or say yes to at this time.” and practice saying it! You don’t need to justify or explain why to anyone.
- Visualize someone asking something of you and this being your response–your practice in saying it before there is a commitment to say no to, helps you set your boundaries and strengthens your personal power.
- Write out multiple sticky notes with varying responses and/or reminding yourself to say yes to yourself and place them where they are in your sight line: on the bathroom mirror, in your wallet, on your dashboard of your car, in your office space, on the refrigerator, on a kitchen cupboard, take a picture and make it a screen saver on your electronic devices, etc., At first this may seem like over kill, but the constant reminder will help your mindfulness kick in sooner!
Not sure what you want to say no to?
Commit consciously by asking yourself: Do I really have the time and energy for this? Is this something that I truly want to do?
“Use discernment so that you are only saying yes to what will actually nourish and renew you, inspire or expand you…Your only true obligation is to the voice of your own soul…She wants you to make your yes holy again by only using it when it’s the truth.” ~Meggan Watterson.
What ‘yes’s’ can you make holy? Or what ‘no’s’ can you convert into a holy yes?
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Barb Parcells
I find that sometimes it also helps to say no to myself before I find myself volunteering to take something on even before I’m asked, as it I’m the only one who will do a good job! Sometimes I have to trust that if the Universe wants me to do it, it will let me know in no uncertain terms. Otherwise, I stop and ask myself “Am I really the only one that can do this?” It helps a lot.
Crystal Cockerham
Barb, That is a great question as many feel that way, whether it is true or not. Thank you for bringing that up!
Beverley Golden
This seems to be much more prevalent in women than in men. For some reason, depending on the generation a woman grew up in, the idea of being helpful and saying ‘yes’ was the norm. I see now, with the growth of the self-help movement, that more and more people are realizing that life is too short to forgo the things that matter most to them when they say yes to something that doesn’t fuel their passion. It takes practice and sometimes it even feels like you might want to backtrack and say ‘yes’ to something you said ‘no’ to. Your suggestion to “Commit consciously by asking yourself: Do I really have the time and energy for this? Is this something that I truly want to do?”, is an easy way to wade through the emotions that could be clouding a choice. Thank you Crystal!
Crystal Cockerham
Thank you for that Beverley! I agree, it is far more prevalent for women than men. Previous generations it was like being awarded a trophy to be asked to head something for women, now-a-days I think it is more–‘look at me/her isn’t it amazing how she does all of that?’ I think it falls into the ‘norm’ of over committing our children and compensating by looking for our/their own busy-ness to keep up…
Suzie Cheel
Love this Crystal- getting better at saying no and not feeling bad about it and being less responsible for others 🙂
Crystal Cockerham
Yes it is! And we all need to know it is ok to take care of ourselves!
Leila
Thank you.For sometime now i have been in a situation because of my inability to say no when necessary.
I am learning to say no irrespective of the outcome.
Crystal Cockerham
Good for you Leila! Think of your energetic boundaries like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger and easier it is to use!