Free to BE YOU!

Do you find yourself wishing you were free to just be you?

Do you feel trapped by the ‘should-do’s’, ‘to-do’s’, and expectations of others?

It may be time to re-negotiate the agreements you have with yourself and those around you.

Claustrophobic or not, this is not a fun predicament to be in, whether you feel locked-out or locked-in!

Example:  Funny story actually.  I cannot remember my age, but I remember being at my grandma and grandpas house and hearing my grandma tell my mom this story.  In summation it was this or very close.  “I felt so bad because I didn’t get up and make your dad breakfast before he left for work yesterday.  When I mentioned it last night his response was. “That’s ok, I really don’t like eating that early anyways, I just do because you get up and make it.“”

Just so you know, my grandpa worked days at Ford Motor Company.  He was up and out the door E-A-R-L-Y!  Can you imagine how many years my grandma felt trapped into waking up and cooking breakfast for him that early?  I mean they raised 4 kids, and I, the eldest grandchild, remember this conversation, so a good guess-timation would be +25 years!

I share this story with you because reading this snippet probably gave you a chuckle.  After that knee-jerk reaction, I bet you thought of something you would like to not do popped into your head!

‘Should-do’s’ and expectations really play off one another.  Sixty some years ago and more for my grandmother, it was a societal norm for the wife to awaken early and make her husband and family a full breakfast to start their day.  Obviously, my grandparents never had a spoken agreement that she had to do that for him.  Rather, it was a false expectation she took on about waking up early and making him breakfast.

Of course being free to BE isn’t exclusive to household chores.  If we were to look, we would find false expectation everywhere about many things: how to dress, what to eat, where to shop, level of education, definition of success, etc.,  In fact, if you hear in your self-talk a statement that begins with ‘I should…”, “I shouldn’t…”, or “I ought to do ____ rather than ____…” rest assured there is a false expectation lurking in the shadows.

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

~Bruce Lee

And the ‘to-do lists’, I bet you thought I had forgotten about mentioning these, nope.  Those to-do lists can become quite the distraction to keep us away from ourself!  They keep us on auto pilot which then leaves us feeling trapped or stuck. -yuk!

One thing you can do to free yourself is to take a ruthless inventory of all the ways you feel trapped, and not free to BE you.  You can do this by starting something I call a Stop, Drop Everything Journal.  Now, now I am not talking about a journaling process, yet.  No. I am talking about a palm-sized, top spiral-bound notebook about 3″x5″. It will fit in your purse, in your coat pocket, with your cellphone-in fact they are about the size of a cell phone!

Every time you start feeling trapped, stuck, or just plain old not you, STOP, DROP everything (safely), and jot down-how you are feeling, why you think you are feeling this way, what is making you feel this way and then close it up.  The next time you are feeling trapped, stuck or just plain old not you, open it up to a new page and repeat–do this until you have about a dozen entries or so.  This is supposed to be short and sweet.  However, if something comes up for you and you feel called, by all means go to your journal and write until you are complete.

Once you have about a dozen or so, set aside some time for yourself to sit with your Stop, Drop Everything Journal.  Read all the way through it, then go back and take your time reading each one.  Is there a common thread?  Are these memos showing you an agreement you have unconsciously made with yourself or others that you can re-negotiate?

Once you find that thread or un-serving agreement, get clear and focused on what it is you need to free yourself from it.

Begin your negotiations Free to BE YOU!

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